Blog 66 – 80 Inclusive…. when Betty passes away and you are arriving at your hotel…… Look through the Heart Shaped Window.

I gave myself a holiday from actually typing the blog posts into wordpress because I was going away on a holiday, but my 100 day challenge has not been broken because I wrote daily in my lovely Liberty note pad (£2.99 tkmaxx) so here is an un-edited blog 66-80 (ish)

a herrrrmmmmmmm (not sure how to type throat clear) here we go, let’s begin page one.

Blog 65 ???? Got that wrong I’d already done that.. but anyway that’s what I wrote!!!

I gave myself a holiday from actually typing out the blog on wordpress – so I didn’t have to worry about failing my #100 days of blogging challenge !!!!!

I am lying on the beach in Correlejo (Fuertaventura – Canary Islands) it’s a cloudy/sunny day which is perfect for Fuerta”vent”ura as it is flipping hot in July.

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We were meant to go away on our boat but the weather at home is forecast rain, rain and more rain and not the best way to spend your summer holiday with your soggy dog !!! so I packed a few essentials and the booking to go back to our holiday place (23 years of going to Correlejo) was booked !!!

People say that I am a creature of habit … well maybe they have a point !!!

Essentials…..

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I visited Betty before we left on Tuesday, I was worried about her but she was chatty and I made her nibbly toast and honey, she had a coffee and for some reason I told her that we all loved her, she expressed her total gratitude for all that we had done for her and normal Betty “Banter” followed, I told her I would buy her a Chanel handbag when my lottery win came in she said “You’ll have one too?” “Oh yes!!!” I said, she laughed her Betty laugh and I said we would get together with her friends and go to the Pinewoods (her fav pub) for lunch a week on Friday (today) – I gave her a big kiss – told her to eat her nibbles, honey toast, custard tart etc. All cut into tiny bite size pieces. (Miss Hart would have been proud of me – she was my cookery teacher at School !!!

I left to go on my holidays

Backing out of the room, we kept eye contact with a big smile.

I had a feeling.

That was the last time I saw Betty’s wonderful smile.

It was our final “living” conversation. A conversation that included gift giving – words of love. Betty a wonderful woman who had the most amazing attitude for life.

Betty passed away later that day #belikebetty

Betty Church 19 August 1928 – 5 July 2017 RIP – RETURN IF POSSIBLE

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I’m standing in the reception of the hotel, hearing the news from a neighbour, tears in my eyes, throat closed up, Simon checking us in.

I’m far away on a holiday, there’s a timing for me that seems to be Devine Intervention.

I cannot be there.

My time with Betty was for Living Time, for Fun Time, for learning and I know she passed away in her home, where she would have wanted to be.

I had been with her. Words were said. The laughter laughed and the Fun to stay with me.

She had said all she wanted to say, she lived her life with fun and laughter, pulled funny faces, she was cheeky and naughty, giggly and fun.

#belikebetty

If I could have chosen someone to help a bit I would choose her, she was fun to be with and interesting plus we had a love of Natural medicine and diet to help illness etc.

I cried yesterday and the grief of losing Betty was overwhelming. But I know that tears can flow and sadness can engulf you. But she physically wont be returning and so what remains is the blessed fact that I learn’t so much from this beauty of a lady, who died her hair with Tea Bags and wore baggy trousers and always applied lipstick before leaving the house. It would be so easy for me to cry everyday of my holiday then continue when at home but Betty would not want that. She would be tempting me to have a glass of Port or Brandy and get giggly with her. “Here’s to us, and people like us…….. Aye” that was her toast and that will be mine.

So Betty is our newest, shiny, Chanel Winged Angel. You have a ball up there.

I know she adored Buddah’s and said I would have them one day, Alas she didn’t sign her will so I will probably not be getting the Buddah’s, but I will buy a beautiful one to remind me of her – Betty the Princess, I may even purchase a nice Chanel Lippy for myself !!!

Red I think.

Follow the “Westerly Wind, that’s the Naughty wind Gill”

#belikebetty

Perfect Purchases made – 2 x smiley face bats and a ballIMG_0858

a. Good for humour
b. Good for fitness
c. Good distraction from sadness

I also purchased 3 x scarfy cover ups – so whilst I leap about the beach with my smile bat (oh heck it’s me who is the smiley bat) like a vintage Billie Jean King (still got the skills may I add), my Bikini clad body has a chiffon fabric cover up – hopefully making me look more like Stephi Graff…… hmmmmmmm No comments please !!!!!

Tears keep popping into my eyes – my throat pricks I glance at the smiley face and realise that I must find my happy quickly for life is short and even if I live to 90 and a bit that only gives me 34 years. So that’s loads you think? Well the last 56 went super quick – so I am not going to miss a minute of the next 34.

The bats have also brought a new dimension to EFT (tapping) – I did a lot of this last night – it works, you tap in various places with your fingers and say a mantra and your tears dry up. Emotional Freedom Technique. It’s a brilliant science (I won’t go into it now)

But Simon thinks bashing me on the bum with the happiness bat will work equally well.

If you hold the smiley face bat upside down this is also expressive !!! :( and thanks Simon, because it actually is funny.

We have already annoyed several sunbathers with the noise of Bat and Ball – so we have quit with a personal best of 66 – we are naturals.

I have a frisby here too, too risky as it’s rather windy but new challengers are emerging.

1) Healthy holiday eating challenge
2) Swim in Sea daily
3) Smileathon
4) Read more

So I’m off off for a read of “The little Theatre by the sea” by Rosanna Key

(hand drawn smiley face bats and a ball)
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Now I’m lying in the sun (high factor applied everywhere !!) Texting my sister

I promised Betty I would write her story, but I really don’t know how I’m going to do this now – I won’t have the info? Maybe whoever inherits her house contents will let me borrow her books and photo’s and I’ll try and piece it together. One thing’s for sure we laughed at the same things – she was hilarious

She also said that “Simon was a great man” I’m looking at him now in his speedo’s (a family joke) Liv would be no where near him wearing them – ha ha but he is really happy in his own skin and way more balanced than I’ll ever be – He’s my logic, I tell him what I am struggling with mentally and he will throw some logic to it. Very useful to take away on holidays with you. A balanced bloke who plays your games with you (for you) – I’ve just bought some bubbles – blowing bubbles is a meditation for me. I always feel better for blowing a few

I’ll blow some now, I like to see them float away – maybe pop on someones unsuspecting head!!! Obs west winds…..

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Today is a perfect Canarian sunny/cloudy Fuerta”vent”rua windy day – the type where you can completely frazzel – unsuspectingly – so you have
to slather on the high factor anyway – I feel like telling everyone – we learn’t the hard way with sunburn – you really would think it was an awful day. However, today I have decided to be a fashion designer. (lol)

Sometimes it would be good if my mind would shut up for a moment !! I have a lovely sundress – it slips off the shoulder easily, has pretty lacy bits and is a cotton fabric that doesn’t cling – the length is just right – on the knee so you have confidence to wear it for breakfast at the hotel then meander without changing down to the pool or the beach

My favourite holiday dress… bought in Marbella Orange Square – excuse knees !!!

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Oh heck, I don’t want to be a fashion designer, I just want more great dresses that suit me… Oh make your mind up woman !!! You can’t just design a dress based on a dress that you own ? That’s cheating I think.

Now I’m looking at the white beach villa’s and wondering who lives there. They have spectacular windows, designed to be above beach walkers head height – I wonder who looks at the stars and out to sea – I don’t want to live there, I love my house in Ainsdale. However I do need to de-clutter. I gave up after moving in, I needed a rest from it all. But now, I want to get clutter free. Betty dying has made me think about what’s left behind in cupboards and drawers??? Yikes – fly back now !!!! (oops lol)

Glancing across the bay to where the Fred Olsen Line takes you to Lanzarote I remember doing this trip with Livvy, Simon and her were so sea sick and Liv left her phone on the boat so we had to taxi back to get it, her little green sick face – ahh happy memories !!

I am emotional and now I fear my nostalgia bring me pain. I’m here on a beach where my toddler daughter and 5 year old son – incessant nappy remover and digger (in that order)played. The Child friendly restaurant is now a trendy bar, the turquise water remains clear and the smell of the Ozone – just the same. Why is it I feel the need to return to this familiar place.

Do I have a fear of change?

It’s great here but I’m sure I’d love Italy, Greece, Madeira etc. Secretly I’m thinking…… Go somewhere else ! Although I hate disappointment – I know what you get here, there are no night clubs, its peaceful and clean.

I have had to do lots of Mantra’s whilst my meditation for the holidays has been looking at the palm tree’s softly sway, I have tapped most days, My attachment to Betty was huge.

I had a lovely friend – The art of “letting go” is in full swing here – as I write I am releasing the thoughts of “What if” and I am no longer needed by Betty, she is free from suffering and I am allowed also to be free from the pain of her physical departure.

I will ask no questions about her things – I will not put myself through the knowledge of what will become of her precious stuff, because I have no control – so I must let go of any thoughts, opinions, judgemental behaviours.

I release all this and trust the process for what will be will be.

I AM FREE

ps. Reminds me of Engleburt Humpadink “please release me …. let me goooooooo ” etc.

I am enough, I have more than enough, I have the love in my heart for always.

#belikebetty

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I’ve just been in the sea for a swim, apparently you can burn off 1000 calories everytime you plunge into the cold water !!! Thinking of those lost calories is the only way I can get in – Once you are in we all know it’s fab, so I swim around like a little fish. I think of Betty, she used to swim in the sea in Essex, they lived in a house called “Flying fishes” – she bathed in her bath everyday in sea salt and epsom salts and did her exercises. I’m going to have a bath in sea salt every week – see if it helps me live till I’m 90.

Thing is once you are in the sea, you at some point have to get out !!! A bikini Clad 56 year old, scrambling about as the waves try to draw you back in, is a sight I hope to avoid giving to the beach dwellers.

So I’m really into visualisation to give me a positive outlook on things. I can imagine all kinds of outcomes

So

I imagined myself leaving the sea, not looking too dissimilar to Ursula Andress in her white Bikini, dagger down her bottoms, walking out of the sea in Dr No the 007 movie. – Striding beautifully out not having to shift her bottoms from her (a herm) or put her left boobie back in it’s harness !!!!

Well we can all dream can’t we ha ha

Unfortunately I shared this thought with Simon who responded. “God I hope no one can hear you, they will think you are mad” “good” I reply,

My battle scars on show, my layers of stored calories gently sway as I walk.

“I am Ursula Andress and no words from anyone can change that thought in my head” …. I am starting to believe the stuff I visualise –

“where’s my dagger”…… #belikeursulaandress
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Be someone’s human zimmer frame…. that’s love (an observation at the hotel lobby disco ) Let’s hope we live long enough to cling to someone on a holiday in a lovely hotel…… Maybe Simon will be MY ZF

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Just done Aqua fit

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If only I had my own pool at home, I’m sure the Ursula A look would happen a lot quicker….

LOA Oh Universe…. I would like my own pool please !

Where can I buy a dagger and a white bikini – best to be prepared

I did a video of the palm trees swaying gently so I can meditate on my fabulous body (I mean life) …. don’t get carried away. Seems like I am a bit obsessed at the moment…. I didn’t listen to Wendy Marland telling us Beach bodies are made in the winter……. Well my beach body is forever ready. and tanned fat looks way better than white fat. So take a winter holiday too.

Simon is being a gent. Slathering me in thick factor 50 so I don’t burn how kind – yes Simon enough now !!!!!

I look around the pool area, people burning (tanning I mean) maybe I should offer Simon to go and slap a load of high factor on them ?

Everyone has a story, I look at them, What’s on their minds.?

A phone call…. It’s my mum expressing her deep sadness over Betty, it’s also the week of my fathers death and burial anniversary.

She feel’s pain deeply. I look across at the man in the wheel chair with the amputated leg and breath in good thoughts.

I cannot absorb the pain – I am worthy of not feeling the pain – I will release those thoughts (go engleburt)

I love Modern technology but I must be the only person with an old fashioned actual camera to take a photo. The young people look in amazement when I use it. It does a perfect job of over exposing you giving a much better, if slightly out of focus !!! perfect for a blurry image- which I much prefer these days…. Slightly dark, from a distance and take your glasses off please.

Selfie with real camera !!!

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Sunday 9th July 2017, My 25th Wedding anniversary Eve, It’s been cloudy so we have been to the gym, walked, played table tennis and had a light lunch – an apple and smoked salmon. This holiday is so easy, and now I am going to wear my favourite monsoon kaftan dress, easy to wear. My mum bought it for me for my birthday a few years ago – it’s a keeper in my wardrobe – cost £75 but has a lifespan of at least 30 years with me so expect to see it again and again on my fb selfie posts etc…..

Monsoon Kaftan dress thingy

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I am taking a lot of photo’s of myself this holiday, I am working out how to make the most of myself and there is a big difference in the angle of the shot !!! I can go from Moose looking to skinny face just by altering the angle of the dangle (technical photography term)

It’s worth playing around with your selfie/photography device and see how you look best, coz I don’t know about you but I hate it when someone else takes your photo and you look like a total heffer because they didn’t get your best side !!! Rude !! just rude!!

So the big holiday shot is…. where you take the photo – the view from in between your knees – I am tempted, it is definitely the most flattering way to view your knees – what you have to remember is a bit of decorum…

Is there an acceptable distance for the gap between your knees? To far and you look like a slapper, too close and you ruin the view of the swim up bar???? It’s a science. Hmmmmmmmmm – I have decided to leave that view to the imagination, as I remember seeing my knees in the inverted position and felt that they did benefit from the force of gravity….. say no more..

Please do not invert in dangerous places

I feel a new challenge coming on #30daysofinversion like the plank thing but just get your legs in the air – helping our immune systems and entertaining your facebook friends at the same time – I wonder if it would take of ???

#supportyourimmune30daysofbeingaplankandinverting

Someone dives into the pool – 1000 calories off for him, he’s funny, he’s picked up 2 long leaves and is playing bunny ears and flappy wings – he’s fun, I like fun people.

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July 10th 2017, so it’s today, 25 years of marriage to Simon. At 2pm, I must set an alarm. It’s a great day and I am really pleased to be here, this place holds so many happy memories for us.

But I have decided (yet another epic decision no doubt !!) that I want to make more memories in other places. Maybe even with the kids. Here’s my thoughts.

* Northern Lights
* Norway again
* Ice Hotel
* Whale Watching
* Ski Trip
* Boat fun (bigger boat)- boats in different places
* Villa by a harbour
* Stay in a boat house
* Stay in a river house
* Little Venice – boat holiday
* Simon wants to go to Dubrovnik
* Carribean Cruise
* More Scotland & UK
* Crab sandwich in Craster (again – so yum)
* Lobster on the beach in Berwick and other great Lobster places
* Lobster and cold white wine (anywhere)
* Mevagissy to give Jas Ice Cream (Dexter had one)
* Narrowboat boating
* The Shed of Dreams – raw milk experience Garstang

Me making a heart shape with my fav yellow linen dress (£16.99 TK Maxx)

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I’m having such a great time here, not because there’s so much to do but because there is nothing to do, it’s easy, relaxing and healthy – I feel that my batteries are being re-charged, like I’ve got little solar panels that are boosting up my inner battery. The salads are fabulous and it really is my kind of food. We only drink a little bit of wine with dinner so we never have a hang over (oh you’ve finally learn’t about the booze Gill !!!!)

It’s now 2.16pm and this time 25 years ago Simon and I (the poor bloke) was agreeing to all kinds of stuff he never expected lol !!!

I wonder about the next chapter of marriage for us, it’s great to give this milestone recognition = champers for breakfast, I made a toast to us. Then…….. I went from happy to tears

Roberta Flacks song “Killing me softly” started playing in the restaurant, it was my dads fav song !!!!…

“OK dad” I say and I raise my glass again to my father, it was in actual fact the same anniversary of his burial ……… He just wanted a nice swig of my bubbles…

Roberta draw’s a few more tears from my face and enough I say… back to my 25 years of torturing Simon .. I mean Love for Simon …. He says “do I need to hit you with a bat?” … “It’s ok, I’m pinching my skin between my thumb and first finger ” crikes that hurts… He smiles at me, He know’s I’m a nutter, but has obviously got used to it now.

Emotional allowance and emotional control….. Yay go me.

Us on the beach (please excuse busty photo !!! )

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It was a lovely day we had Paella in the restaurant by the beach and had a nice cold white wine.

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A haaaa so today is Day 1, numero uno (went to a Spanish lesson) of the next 25 years of marriage, I cheerfully inform him of this before entering the restaurant for breakfast. He looks at my smiling face – I know that he won’t be able to deal with this way of thinking about the future. He’s so logical. I ask him quite seriously ” do you remember the choosing a window on watch with mother?” he replies in the affirmative.. I ask him

“Can you try and look at me through the Heart shaped window?” He looks at me with a “are you for real” look, “how do you think of this stuff”…

I know I have planted a heart shaped seed for the future of our married lives, he may not get me totally, but he doesn’t need to. All he needs to know is that we have a heart shaped glow around us, through good times and bad we are the A team. I reflect (very briefly) on what we have been through together and know that his logic plus my madness make a partnership as good as any I have experienced.

We are the variagated leaves, in the garden. I like to think our planted seed will sprout easily (no pun intended) ahhh hahaha sorry#notsorry

The hotel indoor garden reflects a perfection, the symmetry of nature, apparent differences, all good, each leaf perfect in it’s own way.

Nothing is wrong with these differences. They blend together well. They match, they develop just as nature intends.

I wish us a happy, intertwining, life of perfect imperfection.
Heart shaped window

See you through the heart shaped window.

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Author: gillfell

I am passionate about helping people achieve more out of life, I have lots of ideas and information about staying upbeat, healthy and getting what you want out of life. My mission is to help you transform your mindset so you really believe you can have the life you want. I have tried and tested techniques for you, I will help you get there and enjoy happiness along your journey.

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